i think i have two assholes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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