I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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