my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
