I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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