So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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