I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
