well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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