i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
