Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
