Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm eating all of the evidence.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
