i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
