this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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