I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
