he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
