You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
