dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
