Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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