After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
