i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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