VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
