shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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