She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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