and you said cock pushups were impossible
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
