Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
