well I can't set my house on fire every night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
