Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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