I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
