so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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