My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
