Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
