Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
