i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
