:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
