I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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