We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Alive.
So much puke
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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