Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
