Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
