The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
