Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
