i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
