He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
