I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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