I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
