Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had sex on a roof
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
