Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
