A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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