Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
