Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
