I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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