Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
